


there's poison in my eyes now

by meananimagus



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, Emotional Hurt, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, why do i love making them suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 00:22:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19240069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meananimagus/pseuds/meananimagus
Summary: just when he thought he finally had his well-deserved happy ending on his grasp, did it slipped off of his fingers like he never got to touch it in the first place.





	there's poison in my eyes now

**Author's Note:**

> tragedies. yay i love. i'm defo going down with this fic lmao

'felix? the sun incarnate?'

'ah, that foreigner kid?'

'didn't he use to be the school's chemistry prodigy?'

'he's always been weird.'

if not everyday, felix would hear his name quite often coming out through conversations between crowds and groups all over the uni, every hour. mostly, they talk about how he was the kid who always had a smile plastered on his pretty face, always happy, they talk about how he was always smart, always acing his exams with perfect scores, flawless. they sometimes talk how friendly he was, always having a couple of students beside him or around him, always hanging out with more, never alone during lunch, even getting multiple students competing to get him to join their clubs or one-time teams and groups for school activities. needless to say, he was loved.

一一

present.

jisung took a deep breath, a hand tapping gently against his own chest in an attempt to calm himself, to slow the beats of his currently malfunctioning organ. as nervous as he seemed, he looked up front and caught his dad's eyes already looking at him through the rearview mirror, flashing a comforting smile towards him.

jisung smiled back, or he tried to, at least, although it most certainly looked like a pained grimace. his dad chuckled at that, turning around and reaching out a hand to pat his son's shoulder.

"you're gonna be fine, son. i'm on your phone's speed dial." ending it with a cheeky grin, jisung huffed. his dad's words always work, well, they don't entirely ease him but he can breathe, encouraged.

he opened the car door beside him, right foot slowly sticking out of the opening and as it touched the floor, jisung let out a shaky breath before leaving the car. eyes trained down onto his black vans, he hoisted his backpack to his left shoulder then finally looked up.

jisung is dedinitely not ready, but he had no control with time. boy, he wish he had. he always hated this part, despite the count of times he's gone through the same over and over since he was 7, he still hated it.

there's nothing fascinating about moving to another country, transferring to another new school, meeting new people. it's basically just repeating life again and again, and jisung doesn't enjoy it. living a single lifetime makes him hate the world already, let alone going in cycles, restarting, always going back to the beginning.

but that's what his life has been made up of for so long already. whenever his dad gets relocated due to his job, they move. whether it be to another town, or like to the present's case, another country. malaysia and korea are two countries with so many differences and jisung knows how hard it would be for him to adjust. jisung knows that everything would be more difficult than whatever he expects things to be.

oh, how he thought so right.

so without much courage, he forced a foot to take a step forward, and again, and again, until he's walking, slowly, cautious, but he's walking. he reached down to his pocket without looking at it, retrieving a folded piece of paper, the university map along with his student schedule, that was given to him by his dad the day he was enrolled.

with chemistry as his first subject, jisung groaned, almost whining if he didn't remember how weird he might look if he did. he hated the subject as much as he hated humans and that's saying a lot.

despite the strong reluctance, he went with it. spotting the chemistry lab immediately. and like the overrated scenes in most dramas, for transferee students, he took the remaining empty seat that was beside the window, two rows behind, across the door.

in front of him was a boy with an auburn hair, head turned towards him, eyes just staring blankly, jisung felt weird yet he stared back. expression betraying the sudden shock as he made out the stranger's entire face.

he was pretty, for lack of more accurate description. his skin was sun-tanned. his eyes are beautiful although jisung thinks they will look even more pretty when there's a shine behind them, or emotions, but they were empty. his lips are pressed together forming a thin line, 'maybe he'd be prettier when he's smiling'.

the door to the class opened, and the professor stepped in, silencing every noise that was filling the entire classroom. and the boy in front of jisung turned around wordlessly, leaving him confused as the class started.

一一

past.

"i don't know, felix. why don't you stop sulking there, go ask chan out on a date instead and stop bothering me, for once?" minho was frustrated, he would also dare say he's hurt but that's something he shouldn't let the younger know. ever since lunch when minho bumped into chan while felix was walking beside him, felix hasn't stopped talking about the eldest, about his year-long and still ongoing crush towards the male.

minho hated it with every fiber of his being. hated the fact that while he was the one who has always been with felix since they were young, felix has never looked at him the way he looked at chan. felix never talked about him the way he talked about chan, voice so soft as his eyes sparkled with so much adoration.

minho liked felix, and it's been going on for years he couldn't even count anymore. he doesn't even know when he started to feel something for his bestfriend, but that doesn't matter at all, does it? felix would never like minho the way he likes chan.

"but minho, what if he doesn't like me back?" felix spoke while whining, voice almost turning sharp and minho hates the sound 一he actually likes it except if chan is the reason behind it but felix doesn't need to know about that一.

"shut the fuck up, you sound like a whining baboon."

"stop insulting my deep voice!"

minho honestly doesn't know what he's supposed to do. of course, he wants to be a good bestfriend, supporting felix with everything with the cliche bestfriend line, 'as long as he's happy'. but he couldn't deny the pain. the pain that tickles, ah no, stabs (now that's more accurate) through his own chest, tearing his heart into pieces until there were nothing left but the crushed parts on the ground. he likes felix so much that seeing him liking someone else wasn't really a great feeling to deal with every single day.

一

chan and felix started dating, and minho broke down, in his room, alone. he didn't let felix know, he didn't let the younger see. he dealt with the pain by himself while felix was out on his first date with chan.

along with his broken heart, he received a call from his mom, who was in the province, informing him that his dad died. minho has never felt so utterly devastated and hurt. it was like the world just crashed down upon him and he's all alone.

without telling felix, scared of interrupting his bestfriend's date and ruining his day, scared that felix would ditch chan just to go to him, he packed his things up, he's needed back home and no, minho won't tell felix, at least for now, no matter how much he wants felix to himself. he wouldn't ruin his bestfriend's happiness for his own.

he left their shared apartment, leaving not a single sign as to where he would be, not even a single note.

一

he was having fun. chan was honestly enjoying the date. felix was cute, he has always found the boy cute, stuttering and tumbling with his broken korean, whenever he can't hold eye contact with chan. the older always thought that felix didn't like him. for the times felix obviously avoided him whenever he approach the younger, and always found ways to excuse himself whenever he attempt to start a conversation.

it was all thanks to chan's idiocy in chemistry that his flask exploded in the middle of an experiment, felix being the only one who seemed to know how to extinguish the thick bluish smoke spreading all around the class, stepped towards him and yanked him away from his desk.

chan, embarrassed, blurted out, "will you go on a date with me?" instead of simply saying thanks.

felix, for once, wasn't the one blushing, smirked as he said yes and leaned closer to the older, whispering against his ears.

"i've been waiting for you."

it was a mess. chan was a mess. but it turned out okay, actually it was more than okay because now, he's on a date with lee felix.

"what about ice cream?" felix's voice tugged chan out of his thoughts, he beamed before standing up from the bench.

"i'll go buy, stay here." felix nodded and flashed a soft smile, appreciative, a silent 'thank you' displayed in his eyes.

chan walked away, eyes flicking everywhere in search for an ice cream shop or any place he can buy the treat from, he was about to cross the road when he heard a high-pitched scream, calling out for him, from behind, and then the voice was slowly getting closer and closer, still screaming his name, until he heard a crash, felt his body being thrown away until he blacked out.

一一

present.

a week passed and jisung was slowly getting used to his schedule 一read: slowly一. he hasn't made a friend yet, one that would always hang out with him or sit beside him during classes, but he's quite friendly with some students already, at least he got that for himself as consolation.

but that didn't make him all too keen for lunchtime, for he knows he would still sit alone on a table in the cafeteria until the bell ring for his afternoon classes. so instead of doing what normal students do, like eating, he took himself on a tour all around the whole campus, he never really had a chance yet before today.

he passed by the library, the numerous music room, more classroom and found the clinic. it bore him, all schools he has attended since his first grade has what this school have, there's nothing new and jisung was disappointed.

upset, he took the stairs leading to the second year floor, continuing to the third years', the fourth's and he went upstairs and so on until he reached a steel door, one he assumed as the entrance to the building's rooftop. he smiled to himself before pushing the door open.

what welcomed him was something he least expected, heck, he never even imagined something like this would happen in reality.

a boy was standing on the narrow ledge, hands spread widely, face looking up at the sky and jisung wouldn't recognize the boy if not for his hair, it's the golden boy, felix.

he's heard talks about the boy in his one week at the university, and they're either sympathetic or pitiful.

people says he used to be the campus' sunshine boy, his smile radiates happiness and energy for everyone and he was adored by lots because of his bright personality. he was a kind and smart boy, always ready to help, always ready to be a friend.

but one day, that boy changed. he became quiet, always wanting to be alone, his grades started to drop and students began to distance away from him. he pushed people away, he lost himself. some says the reason behind it was because his boyfriend was ran over by a car and died on their first date, the boy was named chan. some says the reason was because his bestfriend left him and cut off all contacts with him, and until now he hasn't come back, they called him minho. some says, he just lost it.

jisung started to shake, he was trembling in fear. not for himself, but for the boy who was on the edge, literally, one step and he would fall. jisung isn't stupid. he knows what the boy was doing, but he couldn't let that happen.

so he took a deep breath, panic arising within him but he shut if off, he didn't think about his own mental state as he walked closer to the boy.

"nice shoes you've got there." jisung spoke softly, afraid he'd startle the boy, but he kept his eyes looking at the male's feet, watching out for a slight move forward yet hoping the boy won't. he was trying to stay nonchalant, to not scare the boy and silently urge him to step down the ledge.

felix didn't answer, he just turned his head towards him then looked down, gazing at the empty ground below him. he's one step away from misery, he's one step away from suffering. oh, how exciting does that sound?

jisung patted on his own chest, calming his chasing heartbeats, "that's pretty dangerous."

when felix didn't answer, he continued, "and we're only seven floors up, if you fall, you wouldn't die instantly, you would just get all your bones broken and maybe be in a coma for a year. that sounds painful to me."

but anything jisung says doesn't seem to affect the boy, for the latter turned around, his back now facing away from jisung and jisung almost cried.

felix stared at him and jisung stared back, tears forming beneath his own eyelashes. and unlike the first day, felix was showing him emotions and there's a lot, and they're a mess, and they're confusing and it hurts jisung in a lot of ways. just looking at felix's eyes, his expression bare and transparent, it was a lot to take in at that moment and jisung can feel his own heart break. it was like he was feeling exactly the emotions felix was going through. it was almost like they were sharing the same pain and it's making jisung delirious. he choked up a sob but it still escaped from his mouth, his entire body racked as tears streamed down his cheeks, his lips trembling, he can't breathe. it was difficult to breathe while crying so hard.

jisung tried to make out felix's face amidst his blurry vision and what he saw broke him even more. felix was in tears, while his face remained unmoving, he no longer tried to hold back the tears nor did something to wipe them off of his face. he didn't care. he didn't care as he took a step backwards, but without finishing his first sentence. the first and last he would ever say, directed to jisung.

"you're beautiful, han jisung. don't lose yourself."


End file.
